I was walking out of the grocery store the other day and was stopped by one of those smiley-faced charity workers. Her opener was bright, positive, and out of the ordinary. Trying not to be rude, I responded to her question about my day, then asked her about how hers was.
But she didn’t hear my question.
Her eyes weren’t even pointed at me, they were looking almost over my right shoulder, as she said something robotic such as “oh that’s good.”
And then she went into her sales pitch.
There is a reason just about everyone hates these people. I used to own a salon in a big shopping centre, and every week there would be a different bunch charity workers trying to milk money out of people by interrupting their day. Even when they knew that I was working in the centre, they would open with some sort of nice opener, with the INTENT to get a sale from me.
There is a reason why people walk a wide berth around their tables, and why people suddenly pull out their phone to pretend to be caught up in an important text message. We avoid these people like the plague. The same as we avoid them like they are a homeless person swearing at his empty suitcase on the sidewalk.
But we don’t avoid them like the plague because of their positive demeanour, their nice opener, or the fact that (usually) they’re a sexy backpacker who is looking at you seductively. We avoid them because of one thing only:
We can smell their hidden agenda.
We know that all they want is a sale. Now, let me get one thing straight. I’m not saying that the charity they represent is bad, and I don’t think that they are bad people. In fact, they’re probably pretty cool people, especially noting the severe amount of rejection they get all day, every day. That job takes a certain type of person, a person that can be told to go and fuck their hat at least 5 times per day, and still turn up the next day with a smile on their dial. That’s a person we could all learn something from.
THE HIDDEN AGENDA
We know deep down the only reason someone with a coloured t-shirt and a smile on their face wants to talk to us, is to sell us onto some sort of recurring monthly donation. That is the reason they’re talking to us. They’re not talking to us because they want to see how our day is, they’re talking to us because they want to make a commission off the sale your signature represents.
And we can see the sales pitch coming a mile away.
It’s the same with dating.
Years ago, I was at a boot camp learning pickup. It was a Saturday night and we were at this nice bar trying to utilize our newly found skills to pick up women. I was feeling extremely confident, up until the moment came to start talking to women.
The coach told me to approach a set of two girls he pointed out, and my nerves went through the roof. But, as I had spent around $2500 for the weekend, I forced myself to make the most of his time.
As I walked over, wondering how to creatively interrupt their conversation, my nerves got the best of me at the last second. With only a few metres to go, I changed course to move somewhere near them whilst also creepily side-eyeing them like a killer whale eyes a seal stranded on a small bit of ice somewhere off the coast of Alaska.
One of the girls had noticed me but went back to her conversation with her friend. After about 3 minutes of lurking close to them, I decided to stop being a pussy and go and talk to them.
Just as I was about to interject their conversation, the one who had already seen me loudly asked “What? What do you want?”
I asked some sort of innocuous question, most likely “so what time does this place get busy?” I can’t remember exactly. But she said, “Yeah I saw you there lurking, was wondering what you were trying to get out of us.”
I managed to get out of the conversation after making some sort of excuse, but she knew that I was trying to take something from them. And she was right – deep down all I was after was validation in the form of a phone number, or ideally, her sexy, naked body in the creepy sex dungeon of Brett Ellis.
My intent was showing through, regardless of how I was trying to hide it.
I wasn’t in a social state out to have a fun evening and make new friends, I was in a desperate PICK UP ALL THE CHICKS state. And the pressure of that agenda caused me to act all awkward, as I was trapped within the confines of my skull, constantly overthinking and analysing. My agenda was more of a level 1 relationship, which is purely selfish, and based on what I can take from the situation, rather than what I can give to the situation.
A BETTER AGENDA
I touched on this a little bit before, but a better agenda to have is a social agenda.
Instead of going out to pick up women and use a fresh vagina as a metric of success, go out to find fun from chatting to everyone. What you will find, is when you’re in this social state, “approaching women” becomes a natural and easy side effect because you’re simply in the zone and having a fun time meeting new people.
But getting laid doesn’t just happen because you’re a chatty person who can crack a joke.
This is where the skillset of flirting and sexual conversation comes in. This is where understanding seduction, and how to unapologetically show sexual interest in women with the right amount of emotional spiking and interestingly deep conversations.
Well, all of that and the fact that you have the underlying behaviours of a man who has worked on himself and created a life that he loves. Because no amount of flirting, or “conversational seduction tactics” is going to cover up the fact that you’re an unhealthy, insecure guy who hates his life and is desperately seeking a vagina to validate his self-worth.
If you want some help, get in touch.
By the way, I know some of you headline skimmers would have misread this article and seen me bagging out charities and their “oh my god, that was soooooooooooo 1990’s!” style of marketing, so you might want to know that I do donate. It’s not much, but it all adds up, and to be honest, it feels fucking great. You might want to consider it.