I have written about confidence in dating many a time, as most men complain that they don’t have enough confidence to do something important – such as meeting new Women. Now don’t get me wrong, confidence is an important element that can’t be ignored, but what will surprise you about this article is what skill you actually need to be confident with.
There are a zillion guys out there who think that they need X amount of confidence to approach a Woman. Because they apparently lack confidence in this area of life, this causes those Men to take zero action, and stay at home jerking it to increasingly weird shit on the internet. (Brazilian fart porn, anyone?)
Now, it is true that you do become more confident at dating Women when you’re really good at dating Women. Good results tend to snowball into great results pretty quickly. But if you have had next to no experience in meeting and dating Women, it’s obvious that you’re going to be far from confident at it.
Confidence is a side-effect of Competence, after all.
Everyone who is confident about something in particular is almost always good at doing it, or they’re a moron. You’ll see plenty of those morons (AKA: False-confident douchebags) in the usual meet-markets who try and “fake it until they make it” to boost their ego enough to temporarily get over their underlying insecurities. But let’s use an unrelated real world example of competence and link that shit all together, yeah?
I am a very confident driver. I have been driving for about 13 years now, and I am yet to crash into another car or take out a couple of innocent people waiting for a bus. I have corrected some hectic oversteer in some adverse conditions quite a few times (with my asshole puckering profusely every time might I add) and I have avoided some serious accidents caused by one or two falsely-confident morons.
But I wasn’t born a decent driver. My Mum didn’t give birth to me and I immediately took off down the hallway in a vehicle fit for an infant, drifting around the hallways of the hospital like a baby Ken Block. No, driving was something I learned at the tender age of 16 when my Dad decided he’d give us a go in the ute in a new housing development. And under the strict guidance of his 30-something years of being a truck driver, I still managed to stall the thing a bazillion times, and somehow manage to bunny-hop it past some bloke laughing his ass off while out taking his dog for a walk.
But after some lessons from a professional, I finally got my licence. And even though I wasn’t very confident at driving in the beginning, I eventually got better at it, and the rest is now history.
It was the same for dating. I wasn’t born at 19:15 on the 23rd of April 1986, then at 21:30 of the same night I was hooking up with some nurse called Julia. I wasn’t born as this stud muffin who writes shit on the internet and shoots really poor videos. No, because dating Women (like driving) is a learned skill.
But you know what is also a learned skill?
Learning a skill.
Yes, learning a new skill is actually a skill that can be learned. I remember the first few months of when I was studying to be a nutritionist. We were balls deep in some heavy shit about biochemistry, whilst also trying to get our heads around anatomy and physiology, and a few other heavy subjects. It was a very stressful time for everyone in the class. We were all worried about the workload and were wondering how the hell anyone could ever learn all of this stuff in the allotted time.
But we all passed our first semester with flying colours, and then the next semester came around with even more work to do.
But it was easier this time around.
There was still a lot of work to do, with a lot of new concepts, but it was easier this time around. And it continued to get easier as time went on. It wasn’t because the content was easier to learn (it wasn’t), but our SKILLS in the ability to learn a new task had increased. I became quite confident in the ability to learn new tasks. So confident in fact, I quit studying and opened up my own business instead.
What I am trying to get at, is you are more than able to learn a skill. If you can read this text and get an understanding of each word’s meaning, you are more than capable of learning a new skill or honing another one. Humans are intelligent creatures (sometimes I beg to differ, but as a whole – we go aiite, yo). We all have the ability to learn.
So what the hell does that have to do with confidence, Brett?
You don’t need confidence to approach a Woman and be a motherfuckin’ lady slayer hound dawg (ew) to get Girls. You just need the ability to learn a new skill and approach it in that way.
As you develop this skill, yes, eventually, you will be great with the ladies and you will be able to attract and date the ones who you dream of. You’ll develop the understanding as to why you’re not getting the results you want, and you’ll be glad you chose to pursue this particular learned skill like every other learned skill inside that good-looking head of yours.
Learning a skill is easy:
1. Take action using previously learned knowledge.
2. Get feedback (AKA: Fail).
3. Repeat step 1.
4. Continue until the desired result is achieved.
Think of it like an experiment as you go out into the wild and try and wrangle yourself a nice lady to share enjoyable moments with. No, it’s not sexy, nor is it some click-bait listicle outlining the “207 ways to hack dating like a pimp”, of which almost all writers (including myself) are guilty of writing.
It’s the true way to solving any problem you have – and it’s easy to do. What makes it hard is your emotional attachment to the outcome. You “fear rejection” because you think that being rejected has everything to do with you as a person when in actuality there are zillions of different factors outside of your control.
Have confidence in yourself that you are more than competent in learning a new skill. It just so happens to be that that skill involves dating, seduction, and rubbing your junks together with a pretty lady.