Keep this article a secret, because I’m about to tell you the best pickup line.
It’s literally the best thing to say to a woman, ever.
Knowing this exact line, and saying it word for word will make her desperately want to jump on your dick.
But, you have to be careful with it.
It’s literally magical.
I don’t want it to fall into the wrong hands.
Because it’s so powerful.
You’re literally going to have girls begging you to fuck them.
So, don’t use it on any girls that you don’t want relentlessly chasing you down the street while they’re pinching their nipples and seductively screeching at you.
Feminists will hate you. You’ve figured out the secret code.
It’s literally one thing.
But it’s dangerous to know this information.
Other men will possibly try and kidnap you then hold a blowtorch to your face until you tell them what it is.
So, I accept no negative outcomes from sharing this information with you – kay?
My lawyer said not to tell you. His Lawyer told him to tell me not to tell you. But fuck those guys.
Do you want to know what it is?
Of course, you do.
Are you ready for it?
Here it is:
“Hi, I’m (Insert your name here)”.
“Whaaaaaaat?” You scream. “That’s so simple!”
I know, right!
Okay, do you actually think one line is going to attract a woman?
I hope not. And if you did, welcome to the party. Go grab yourself some snacks and a beer.
If there was this magical vaginal-opening line, don’t you think it would have been shared around so often that it would have stopped working?
Here’s a fun fact: It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it.
Totally related side story: I love stand-up comedy.
I watch stand-up just about any time I flick on Netflix or YouTube. Bill Burr, George Carlin, Louis CK, Anthony Jeselnik, Jo Koy, Daniel Tosh, Joe Rogan, Mitch Hedberg, Kevin Hart, Tracey Morgan, Chris D’elia, Carl Baron, Jim Jeffries, Jim Gaffigan and Bill Hicks are some of my favorites. I could go on and on with excellent stand-up comedians, routines, and bits.
Some of them I have listened to or watched hundreds of times. I can literally say certain bits word for word.
And I have tried to, a lot.
Every now and then, I will drop some small bit in a relevant conversation thinking that I’m about to get some lolz, pants wetting and stitches in people’s sides.
But every time I drop a funny, it falls flat on its face.
People look at me like I’m a weirdo, or they can tell I’m TRYING to be funny (instead of simply being funny). I might get a few politely forced laughs, but I usually get nothing.
You see, it’s not the line that I drop that is the problem. Those lines are proven to be funny. Those lines are tried and true by some of the greatest comedians to walk the planet.
So, if it’s not the lines that are the problem, it’s obviously my delivery. My delivery sucks because I’m simply not that funny when I repeat actual comedian’s jokes.
Now, if I really wanted to be a comedian, I know for a fact I could do it. I could do a few courses, I could get up on stages and have a good hard crack at getting some lols. I’d see a lot of failures, and get heckled with all sorts of horrific shit, but as I persevered I would get good at it (I don’t think I could be the next Bill Burr or George Carlin, but I could definitely get some laughs). Doing stand-up comedy is a learnable skill, the same as picking up women and driving a car.
But using other people’s lines won’t get me there. It would need to be my own material, and it would need to come from my own life experiences. I would have to be completely congruent and say it in a funny way that resonates with me as a person.
Bill Burr, in my opinion, is the best comedian on the planet right now. I love his specials, he is the voice of Frank and comedian behind the show “F is For Family“, and I listen to his podcast all the time. Everything about the craft of being a comedian, he has down pat.
But we’re forgetting to highlight something important: He is a funny guy.
Actually, he’s fucking hilarious.
He has the knack for just making people laugh. And then you throw him on a stage, with well-practiced lines, outstanding delivery, and a million other minute things and you’re in for a pants-wetting time.
He doesn’t just SAY funny things. He IS a funny guy.
It’s not what you say, it’s how you ARE. It’s a state of BEING rather than saying. Yes, he says funny things, but he is a funny guy FIRST who says funny things SECOND.
Ya get me?
Alright, so let’s look at this in dating terms.
I think it is obvious that pickup lines don’t work for most guys.
Him: “So, did it hurt?”
Her: *WTF face*
Him: “When you fell from heaven?”
Her: *Pulls out pepper spray. Sprays way too much into his face. Beats him with the bottle*
I think it is obvious that using that line (or any line) doesn’t make you attractive to her.
Or does it?
I have used that exact line on so many girls, I forget how many times I’ve used it.
But I pull it off – And I pull it off well. They’re usually laughing and smiling when I say it.
Why? Well because it’s all about the DELIVERY.
First things first, I am an attractive guy. And I don’t mean physically attractive (that does count, but nowhere near as much as what you guys believe). But I am socially calibrated, am playful, fun, flirty and I enjoy a laugh. I have my shit together, know where I am going in life, have a backbone and know what I want. I don’t put up with shit or sub-standard people and I want to add to people’s lives. I can literally talk your pants off and sell them back to you. But I didn’t write this last paragraph to tell you how awesome I am, I want to stress HOW I am as a person.
Oh, and FYI: I wasn’t born as some attractive young guy who can tell shit jokes and use shit pickup lines and be successful with women. This is something that I have LEARNED over years of failure and pushing myself. I’ve earned this badge by wading through the shit and coming out the other end.
Do you know why I can pull off that horrific pickup line and get a laugh, a phone number or beyond?
Because of how I AM. It’s my state of BEING.
When I say it, it’s funny and ironic. I’m usually dying with laughter. And even if she’s a dumbass and doesn’t get that I’m being a sarcastic mofo, I can still piece the words together to create a fun conversation that adds value to her evening.
So, yes, “Hi, my name is (insert your name here)” is the BEST pickup line. It’s simple, it’s congruent with YOU and you don’t need to practice it in the mirror to remember it.
Fuck, any line will work…
You’ve got the underlying attractiveness.
And attractiveness is a state of BEING.
This is what annoys me the most about the pickup and seduction scene. Guys are so worried about the minor details. They’re worried about the openers, the DHV’s, passing shit-tests, the acting and performing, the “how do I make her like me” BS. It’s all surface level shit, folks.
But you can’t polish a turd.
You can’t cover up a bullet wound with a band-aid.
You can’t rescue victims of a hurricane with a #HopesAndPrayers hashtag.
Sure, it feels nice. And in the context of dating, lines and manipulation can have some short-term success. It’s the same with sales: Short-term manipulations work. But only for a little while.
Soon after, the people you “sold” realise that you’re a dick. You’re a wolf in sheep’s clothing. It’s the same for the nice girl you manipulated into fucking you with your cool PUA shit. Yeah, it got you laid, but all three of us know you’re a dick.
The rabbit hole of life goes deeper than the surface. It goes deeper than a few sales, a few fucks, and an ejaculation. It goes beyond living pay check to pay check, vagina to vagina and feeling that lack of fulfillment no matter how much surface level shit you acquire.
Life isn’t about saying the right thing. It’s BEING the right person.
Being the guy who attracts amazing women. Being the guy who kills it in his chosen career (that he LOVES). Being the guy who goes after what he wants and attacks life head-on.
That guy doesn’t need to know what to say to be attractive, he says the right things automatically because he IS attractive (once again, I don’t mean looks – you could be a male fitness model, but if you’ve got the baggage of a 747, you still wouldn’t be able to get or keep a girl).
Sure, there are things to say and there are minor tactical lines to use. I’d be stupid not to suggest that.
But most men put far too much emphasis on the surface level stuff. The lines and the “what do I say to say X” (Hint: Say X, fuckface). It really doesn’t matter when you’re a man who has things going on in his life that are epic.
And anyone can do it. Anyone can do epic shit. Anyone can overcome their problems. Anyone can approach an amazingly sexy chick with some cheesy pickup line with a cheesy grin from ear to ear and have it go his way.
You just have to BECOME the guy can do this. It’s WAY easier than you think and infinitely more interesting and fun.
And it all starts with “Hi, my name is (insert your name here).”
But it doesn’t stop there.
No. That is only the beginning.